Zippers Anonymous

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The trouble with fingernails…

Shrine: MAYBE WE COULD GET YOU THIMBLES

Shrine: /noIamnotserious

Rattles: Shrine

Shrine: /please do not take that seriously

Rattles: I don’t think you want me to fuck you with thimbles.

Rattles: That just sounds like a bad idea.

Rattles: I MEAN

Rattles: UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE FUCKED BY A ROBOT

WHY DON’T YOU LOOK INTO MY EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE?

My fiance and I are pretty much convinced we can’t look at each other when we have sex. We bust out laughing every time. I have no idea why but we start laughing so hard that it totally derails the mood.

Speaking Of Magic...

  • Raine: we are weird?
  • The Rattlecat: I'm a girl that likes to date guys so I'm hetero but I identify as a guy that likes to date guys so I'm a homo but I have a wife so I'm homo but I identify as a guy so I'm hetero and you're a girl who doesn't seem to like guys so you're homo but you're classified as straight but you have a wife.
  • The Rattlecat: Who identifies as a guy. So you must be straight.
  • The Rattlecat: 8|
  • Raine: XD
  • Raine: Well it's like
  • Raine: I AM SO SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO MEN
  • Raine: But their personalities and thought patterns and whatnot
  • Raine: are too much work
  • Raine: too much work for the D
  • The Rattlecat: I'm sexually attracted to men, it's their perso---EXACTLY.
  • Raine: I am a lazy fuck
  • The Rattlecat: BE ONE OF THOSE GUYS THAT JUST GIVES ME THE D.
  • Raine: I AM HOMOSEXUAL
  • The Rattlecat: IN FACT, LITERALLY GIVE IT TO ME.
  • The Rattlecat: I WANT ONE.
  • Raine: BECAUSE
  • Raine: I AM LAZY
  • The Rattlecat: ewrk;lfhjokef
  • Raine: THAT'S WHAT IT COMES DOWN TO
  • The Rattlecat: And I am....
  • The Rattlecat: Hm.
  • The Rattlecat: Well
  • The Rattlecat: I'm lazy too.
  • The Rattlecat: But I'm also the selfish fuck that expects you to wait until I decide Im not lazy
  • The Rattlecat: So I CAN fuck you
  • The Rattlecat: Like I said.
  • The Rattlecat: We're weird.
  • The Rattlecat: And that's going on Tumblr.
  • Raine: hey man I don't give a fuck
  • Raine: you can fit two hands in me
  • Raine: I think that's better than the D honestly
  • Raine: XD
  • Raine: AH SEX LIFE
  • Raine: that should go on the sex blog
  • The Rattlecat: BUT IT WOULDNT BE
  • The Rattlecat: IF WE HAD A D THE SIZE OF TWO HANDS
  • Raine: unf
  • Raine: I mean what

After 3 Freaking Years

zipperpulls:

I FINALLY walked in on Rattles masturbating.

/feels like a champ for this stupid reason

It’s probably because she didn’t feel well today though. Defenses aren’t as sharp as their usual.

Rattles: How the fuck did you post to my Twitter

Rattles: DUDE I GOT CELEBRITIES THAT FOLLOW ME

Shrine: is the zipper pulls blog

Shrine: set up

Rattles: AWEIJPOGTEROKN

Shrine: to post

Rattles: *FLAILS*

Shrine: to Twitter?

After 3 Freaking Years

I FINALLY walked in on Rattles masturbating.

/feels like a champ for this stupid reason

It’s probably because she didn’t feel well today though. Defenses aren’t as sharp as their usual.

damniitkyle: trammy-phan: damniitkyle: The Main Event at first i though you were holding the lamp so i thought you were going to shove a lamp in some gurls’ vagina~~ I can do that too Ima call it The Surprise Ending Lobster Claw. And I’d call my fiancee’s move “parting the waters” But that takes two hands and this camera has no self timer…

damniitkyle:

trammy-phan:

damniitkyle:

The Main Event


at first i though you were holding the lamp so i thought you were going to shove a lamp in some gurls’ vagina~~

I can do that too

Ima call it

The Surprise Ending

Lobster Claw.

And I’d call my fiancee’s move “parting the waters” But that takes two hands and this camera has no self timer…

(via shrineart)

The Little Box: First Seizure of the Year

rattlecat:

When I say this particular piece is TMI, don’t say I didn’t warn you if you were to continue.

So last night I had a seizure that deserves to be recorded in the ‘history’ books of Rattlecat. Last night (or rather early this morning since it was turning daylight outside), I had an orgasm that…

I tend to be the subject of multiple orgasms, so flailing around on the bed like an enraged Magikarp in its attempt to Splash over Mount Everest in the middle of an orgasm makes it a bit difficult to tell whether its a Splash, or a solid attempt at evolving.

Rattles, my fiancee, ladies and gents

How Sex is Negotiated in Our House

shrineheart:

Shrine: *flops*

Shrine: What time are we going to bed?

Rattles: 11-12.

Rattles: Lest you want to go earlier

Rattles: Andpossiblypullaprincetondart

Shrine: I’m not really entirely tir-

Shrine: ………

Rattles: JUST SAYIN

Shrine: *wasthinkingthatbuttotallywasn’tgoingtosayit*

Shrine: XDDDDDD

Rattles: *wellyouprobablyshouldsayitmoreoften*

Shrine: *yesIprobablyshould*

(Princeton and Dart are roleplay characters for anyone not in the know.)

(Source: shrineart)